he / stuck / the / ragged / end
of / the / cigarette / between / his/ lips
and / sucked / as / much
of / the / sweet / acrid / nicotine
as / he / could / into / his
hungry / lungs /
soon / he / felt / the / usual
burning / sensation / ravaging / through
his / embattled / chest
like / a / sulfur / flare / had / been
set / off / inside / of / him
then / the / violent / cough / cough
and / the / spewing / of / crimson
tissue / out / of / his / mouth
the / gasping / for / air / to / keep / him
alive / for / just / a little / bit / longer /
he / knew / his / habit / would / soon
snuff / the / life / right / out / of / him
but / at / that / particular / moment
(and / what / other / moment
is / there / anyway?)
all / he / could / think / about
was / how / many / more / drags / were / left
on / the / gnarly / cigarette / dangling / from
his / bloody / lips
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I can totally visualize it. Damn, is that good !!
ReplyDeleteMike,
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to read some of my poetry. I comment on yours now, not only as a thank you, but for my own curiosity and love of poetry. You have a very well developed and wide range of writing styles, judging from your blog. I am definitely a poetry person, and this poem, as well as the poem posted right before this one (or after, I guess) are two of my favorites on your page so far.
I really like the solid connection from the beginning and the end of this piece. The way you describe this scene makes it very easy to visualize, and your word choice keeps my attention without over doing it, which seems to be a problem many poets face. Kudos to you! I also like the breaks- /,/- makes the poem easier to read aloud and easier to imagine how the author wants it read. The title really adds a new emotion to this poem. I think the title is what makes me keep thinking about the poem after I read it. Erotic Landscape, that makes each word after so heavy and sensual. Very nice poem, and very nice blog. Thank you for sharing.
-ld